Negotiation isn’t an easy task. It’s highly emotional and there is so much fear behind it. It can be as simple as negotiating for a raise. You don’t want your self-esteem to get hurt, but you also don’t want to get fired. If you want to negotiate, you need to learn how to manage your emotions and be self-aware of what might happen to you. Know how to value the other person and respect their perspectives. If you want to learn more about negotiations, listen to today’s episode where Ben Baker talks to the founder of The Negotiating Table, Moshe Cohen. Learn how to manage your emotions in real time during a negotiation. Know how to negotiate around interests. Find out the different types of fear around negotiation. Listen in if you want to win all your negotiations.
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Getting Out Of Your Own Way While Negotiating With Moshe Cohen
[00:01:23] I appreciate you guys coming back to me week after week, month after month, year after year. We are a few years into the show and I appreciate you guys so much. You email me at [email protected]. You converse with me on LinkedIn and tell me what you like, what you don’t like and what you want to hear and I listen. I always listen and I always appreciate the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I always want to find out what are you guys curious about because that’s what the thing is all about. The show is about you. The show is about helping you be better in your world. In this episode, I’m bringing Moshe Cohen onto the show. He is the author of a book called Collywobbles: How to Negotiate When Negotiating Makes You Nervous. I want to talk about getting out of your own way when you are negotiating. Moshe, welcome to the show.
[00:02:17] Thank you very much, Ben. I’m happy to be here.
[00:02:19] We always have a good time when you and I talk offline, so I figured, “I’ve got to get you on the show.” You are a professor at Boston University. You’ve written two books. You’re telling me you got 3 or 4 or more in the hopper right now and I want to talk to you about who you are right now, where did you come from, and what brought you to this point and then let’s talk about negotiating.
[00:02:42] It’s sometimes hard to know where to start when people ask me who I am. What I do professionally is to teach people had a negotiate and I teach other related subjects such as leadership, influencing skills, stakeholder management, change management, communication skills, and conflict resolution. I’m also a professional mediator and I mediate disputes of all kinds in all sorts of different settings. I teach the skills that I teach both at Boston University, where I’m a senior lecturer at the business school, but mostly in companies and organizations all over the world. I’ve been doing that for quite a long time.
The funny thing about my background is that I started off in physics. My undergraduate was in Physics, and after doing Physics for four years, I discovered that it was hard and I couldn’t possibly stay in it so I went into what seemed easier. At the time, I went into Electrical Engineering. I was an engineer for a couple of years and decided if I was going to be an engineer, I should have a degree in it. I went up to Canada. I went to McGill and got a Master’s in Electrical Engineering specializing in robotics.
I was a roboticist for the next few years. I had a great time. I worked on some very interesting projects, but over time found myself moving more towards the people side of things, not so much the computers and robot side of things. I went to business school to go into management and I loved business school, but then I realized I hate managing things. The one thing I loved in business school was my negotiation and organizational behavior classes. As a result of that, I became a mediator and then started teaching.
[00:04:09] That’s a fascinating look at your life. To sit there and say, “This is a person that must be extremely analytical. If you started in Physics and then went into Electrical Engineering and Robotics, there’s a very analytical part of your personality because those disciplines demand it. However, to go there and then sit there and say, “I love the human psyche.”
This human psyche, psychology, and the passions of man and woman bring us to the X factor, which is no two people think alike. No two people see the exact same situation exactly the same way. Therefore, the rules that apply in those analytical viewpoints tend to be thrown aside in a lot of negotiations and arbitration because you’re not only dealing with fact, but you’re also dealing with emotion and perception.
[00:05:03] That’s true. Think about it, if you’ve ever been in a relationship and you’ve had a disagreement with your relationship partner and you tried to resolve things based on the fact that analytically speaking you are right, that never goes well because there is that human factor and there are emotional ramifications to decisions that can’t be explained analytically. People will sometimes say to you, “I don’t care if you’re right. This is what I want anyway.”
[00:05:35] I get that on a regular basis from my clients.
[00:05:38] There’s got to be more to it than that. I was a little bit unusual because I was an engineer that had people skills more than some of my colleagues. Frankly, they were stronger at analytical skills than I was. I was good, but they were better at that part of things. I think that we’re all more multifaceted than we give ourselves credit for and it was a matter of focusing on one side of my personality and my mind and less on the other side, which had been the main event for many years.
[00:06:12] I agree with that. I want to go back to that and sit there and say, “Let’s think about that. Let’s think about the fact that human beings are not black and white.” We’re not black and white as humanity. We look at these 50 shades of gray and I may see different shades of gray that you do. All the shades of gray are there.
The question is, which are the shades of gray that we’re willing to accept and which are the shades of gray that we’re not willing to accept? How do we look at situations in a way where we can sit there and say, “I don’t perceive things the way that you do. You don’t perceive the way things the way I do, but that doesn’t make me 100% right and you 100% wrong.
[00:06:51] First of all, the world is a very complicated place. In order to deal with it, we tend to simplify and that’s why we only can focus on a subset of those grays as you mentioned. The fact that we perceive and gravitate toward the difference between those subsets causes us to see things very differently. Very often and once we get there, what we see is self-consistent and we have a hard time even seeing and validating what another person is seeing, let alone coming to a meeting of the minds with them.
The problem is even more fundamental. It’s not just coming to an agreement. It’s even understanding that someone else can see things completely differently than we do. I have a younger sister and if you ask each of us to describe our family growing up and you put us in separate rooms, we described two different families. Even though from my perception there was only one family and from her perception there was one family and it was the same family. That’s fundamental and you’ve hit on the fundamental part of human nature.
Understand that some people see things completely differently than you do. Share on X[00:07:49] I agree with that. If you look at my brother and me, we’re both grown adults. We’re both in our 50s. If you ask us both about our childhood and growing up in the exact same house with the exact same parents, we will tell two completely different stories. The fact that he’s three years younger than I am and had a completely different context. I was out of the house by the time he was fourteen years old. He was living overseas for a year in the middle of my second last year of high school.
We didn’t have a lot to do with each other growing up from the time we were 12 or 13 years old. We had different views and relationships with our parents. We have different sets of needs and sets of friends. We went to different schools and because of that, we have a very different view of what’s right and what’s wrong in the world, whether it’s politically, religiously, or whatever but we were raised by the exact same set of parents. We also need to be conscious that only because we think of this one way, it doesn’t mean that’s the same way everybody else thinks.
[00:08:54] That’s an ambitious thing because most of us have a hard time elevating ourselves above our own plane to the point where we can recognize that other people are different from who we are. That’s very hard for us to do. It’s hard for me to do and I’m super aware of these things, but at the moment, it’s hard for me to do anyway. Most of us don’t have the awareness, time, or energy to even go outside our own perspective and recognize that it might not be the only way of seeing the world. That’s one problem and people have a lot of challenges when it comes to trying to come together on things.
[00:09:31] Would you say that it is one of the biggest factors when we’re negotiating? It doesn’t matter if we’re negotiating as children with a sibling, with a parent, at work, or with friends. Would it be the fact that we can’t move beyond our own biases and our own sense of what’s right and wrong that’s keeping us from achieving what we truly want to achieve because we can’t see the other person’s point of view?
[00:09:57] It’s a factor. I don’t know if I would say it’s the major factor, but certainly a factor. One of the things that help you negotiate productive outcomes is the ability to hear somebody else. If we’re negotiating, I need to hear and understand what your perspective is, what your interests are or what you need out of this negotiation. The problem is it’s difficult for me to listen and to hear you when I’m too rooted in my own way of thinking. You have to have a bit of an open mind to hear the other person without filtering it so much through your own filters that you’re not hearing them anymore. It impacts your ability to listen and your ability to listen is critical to being able to negotiate effectively
One of the things that can help you negotiate productive outcomes is the ability to listen. Share on X[00:10:44] Could valuing a person also be a factor? I talk to people that say, “Listening is good. Understanding is another factor and they’re both extremely important, but you also need to value that person. You need to value that person for who they are.” The question is, do we go as far as valuing the person for who they are with their set of values when we’re in negotiation or when we’re in a conversation or are we strictly trying to get people to believe what we believe and think how we think?
[00:11:16] We should always try to value other people. Having that as your fundamental mindset is a healthy thing. Also, we need to separate that from negotiation. It’s a helpful thing when we negotiate, but it’s not necessary. I can negotiate a deal with a car dealer where the car dealer doesn’t value me and I don’t value the car dealer, but we can come to a meeting of the minds over the price, the terms, and the type of vehicle and make the deal happen. It’s not a necessary condition, but it’s a very helpful condition, especially when the negotiations are more complex rather than involving a simple transaction like a car purchase.
[00:11:58] I was thinking about that when you were saying the car transaction because I’ve, unfortunately, been through enough car transactions and house transactions. In a lot of cases, it’s commodity-driven. If I can’t hammer a deal with you, I’ll go somewhere else and buy that exact same car somewhere else. If I can’t buy this computer from you, I’ll go somewhere else and buy this computer.
It tends to be more, “I want this. You want that. Either we come to an agreement or I’m walking away.” When it comes to the fact of where you can’t walk away, whether it’s with relationships, something at work, or protracted conditions within a society, it’s a lot more difficult. Emotions come into play. I find that negotiation becomes far more about emotional attachment than it becomes about the commodity itself that’s either being haggled or the price is either being accepted or not being accepted.
[00:12:54] I agree with you on two very separate points you made. Real negotiations tend to be much more complicated than one-time commodity transactions. Imagine you have a dispute with a neighbor over a barking dog. At the end of resolving that dispute, I might still not like my neighbor and my neighbor might still not like me. I don’t appreciate my neighbor at all and they don’t appreciate me but can we come to a resolution that allows us to live on good terms with each other? Absolutely.
[00:13:28] At least not live on bad terms with each other.
[00:13:32] The idea is, can I create a negotiated agreement that gives my neighbor what my neighbor cares about and gives me what I care about enough so we can both live harmoniously next to each other? That’s one point and I agree with you completely. The other one is that very often, what we’re negotiating about is very different from what we seem to be negotiating about. For example, if I ask my boss for a 10% raise and my boss says, “No. I think you deserve a 3% raise.”
It sounds like we’re negotiating about money, but mostly, I’m negotiating over my self-esteem. I’m negotiating over the fact that I think I provide enough value for the company to pay 10% more and my boss doesn’t value me. Now, it’s all emotional. These negotiations are very fraught for a lot of people and it has nothing to do with an actual dollar amount. It’s not that the emotions get in the way. Emotions are very often the star of the show and unless you know how to negotiate the emotional side of what’s going on, you’re not able to manage your own behavior and you’re certainly not able to manage the responses of the other person as you negotiate.
[00:15:17] Is it about figuring out wants versus needs and why?
[00:15:21] That’s a huge part of it. When Fisher and Ury put Getting to Yes back in 1980, the main point in the book was to go from positions to interests. To go from what people say they need to what they need. To go from the wants to the needs and uncover the fears, motivations and needs driving people in their negotiations. If we can center, our negotiations around the needs, all of a sudden, things get better.
Instead of saying to an employer, “I want $80,000,” you say to the employer, “I want to be paid the market rate for the job I’m doing because I don’t want to feel I was hired at a lower rate than my peers or than someone to be someone else that would be hired into the position.” If you express that in that way, then it’s very hard for your employer to say, “No, you should be paid less than the market rate.” Now, it’s a much more straightforward discussion about why I want what I want. It makes a lot more sense. It makes it more reasonable to have these kinds of conversations.
[00:16:18] It could also be the fact that if you’re sitting there going, “Why does this person need a 10% rate? They’ve moved from rural Oklahoma to Los Angeles and their rent is $1,500 a month more.” You’re sitting there going, “These people are feeling cash-strapped, poor, and stressed because they took this job in Los Angeles, but they didn’t realize the cost of living was significantly more.”
It has less to do with money. It’s more about feeling secure in their own position and feeling the fact that are they going to be able to pay their rent, food, and take care of their kids, etc. We need when we’re negotiating, if I understand you correctly, to be able to sit there and say, “Why is this person asking for this? What can I give them to make their life easier? Maybe I can’t give them the 10%, but maybe I can give them something that’s equal to it that will enable them to be able to be better off in the long run.”
[00:17:15] Both sides of it are true. When you express what you need to the other person, express it in terms of your interests. If you were my boss and I said, “I need 10% more,” you’re like, “Whoa,” but if I say to you, “To take this job, I moved from a rural area to Los Angeles and now with my current salary, I can’t seem to pay the rent here. I need an adjustment to my salary to make this livable for me,” you’re more inclined to say, “What does that look like?” I can say the 10% and now we’re having a very different conversation.
When you express what you need to the other person in a negotiation, express it in terms of your interests. Share on XFirst of all, learning to express yourself from your interest rather than your positions but the other one is to be curious. Whenever anybody says anything to you, there are interests behind that statement. If you could transform your mindset to saying, “This person said they wanted 10%,” without agreeing or disagreeing with them, I want to find out about what’s behind that. Also to say, “It sounds like you’re looking for a pretty substantial raise. What’s going on?” and get them to talk about those underlying needs. Once you find out their interests, you now have the means to try to look for creative solutions that might meet their interests without costing you the 10%.
[00:18:25] Do you think that people are curious innately?
[00:18:26] It’s not enough. We naturally tend to be more judgmental and reactive than we are curious. It takes a certain calm presence of mind to be curious. Some people naturally are, but many times, it’s not enough and most people aren’t. Most people are much more likely to judge a statement than to be curious about it.
[00:18:49] Why do you think people aren’t curious? I’ve got my own thoughts and ideas on that, but why do you think we’ve lost our curiosity? You and I talked about the fact that kids are curious. As children, we are. We’re curious human beings but as we grow, that curiosity seems to subside. What’s your thought process and why that’s happening?
[00:19:10] I’m not an expert in children, though I have a bunch. My sense is that it’s hard to feel curious when you don’t feel safe. There’s something about the innocence of childhood, for many children and not all children, you’re in a protected environment that allows your curiosity to flourish. As we grow up, the world becomes a scary place and we tend to look at things much more as threats than we do as opportunities. When we feel threatened, that triggers our fight-or-flight instinct. When we get into that fight or flight mode we’re much more likely to judge what’s coming at us and think about how we deal with it rather than feel confident enough to be curious about it. That’s just a theory. I don’t know if it’s got any validity at all.
Negotiation: It’s hard to feel curious when you don’t feel safe. There’s something about the innocence of childhood where you’re in a protected environment that allows your curiosity to flourish.
[00:19:57] I think you’re right. There are a lot more people out there more afraid of being fired than they are worried about doing what it takes to stand out to be promoted. That’s a terrible place for us to be as a society where we don’t feel that we have the ability to take risks, be curious, and stretch ourselves in order to become who we are meant to be. A lot of that comes down to company culture, leadership, and the lack opportunity of for leaders to be able to be great mentors and coaches for their team members and empowerment.
I look at it and go, “How do we get out of our own way?” To go back to our original point, this is when we’re negotiating. If all of this is true and we still need to negotiate, how do we get out of our own way and enable ourselves to put ourselves in a position where we can negotiate successfully even though we are scared and worried about what the ramifications may be?
[00:21:01] It’s interesting because this gets us to the heart of the reason I wrote Collywobbles because I’ve been teaching negotiation for over 25 years. One of the things that I observed is that we keep teaching people skills and strategies and then they go to use them and they choke. Something happens between the theory and the execution that gets in the way. The main thing that gets in our way is us.
Typically, it’s something in the emotional realm. We get excited, nervous, overwhelmed and angry. Those emotional responses keep us from being able to use the skills and strategies that we’ve developed. I kept thinking, “It’s not very useful to keep teaching people skills and strategies if we don’t also teach them how to manage their emotions in real-time they can use what they brought to the table.
That was the inception of Collywobbles and you want to look at it in a number of realms. One, is you want to help people manage those immediate emotional reactions that happen at the moment because life happens in moments. It’s like dieting. You could have the perfect diet until 11:00 at night when you break down and have that ice cream. You were doing great until that moment, but at that moment, you lost it. It’s the same thing in negotiation. I could be conducting a great negotiation when, all of a sudden, the person on the other side of the table folds their arm and says, “No,” or threatens to walk away or starts to cry. I then capitulate and give them what they want. Why? Because they didn’t manage that moment.
One of the things that we need to do is give people tools to manage those moments and to recognize them fast because they happen to spring on you typically. Also, to manage them so they don’t do things that they regret. The second thing is to raise their overall awareness of what they’re bringing into the negotiation. Because the more awareness they have of those things, their fears and their narratives, all those things that they bring into it, the more that they’ll have the ability to manage it and the less impact those things will have on their negotiations.
Separating out those two things, I’ll start with the second one because you already brought it up. In negotiations, a lot of people negotiate out of fear. The three major fears that people bring into their negotiations are fear of tangible hurt. Something bad will happen. The fear of relationship damage. The person’s going to hate me or emotional pain. This is going to be very painful. For example, if I’m negotiating with my boss for a raise and I push too hard, I might lose my job. That’s a tangible hurt. Maybe I won’t lose my job, but my boss will now forever look badly upon me. That’s relationship damage.
Negotiation: People negotiate out of fear. The three major fears that people bring into their negotiations are the fear of tangible hurt, the fear of relationship damage, and the fear of emotional pain.
I can’t tell you how many people have said to me, “I want to negotiate for a promotion, but I’m afraid of damaging the relationship with my boss.” I got to tell you, if you tried to negotiate for a promotion and you damage your relationship with your boss, you’ve already had a problem in that relationship. You’re not creating it now. The fear we have of damaging relationships is much higher than the likelihood that we’re going into relationships. Yet, it drives us in our negotiations and very often it prevents us from even engaging.
The third part is that negotiations involve painful emotions. Very often you ask for something and you get rejected, you get laughed at, or the other person acts as if you’ve done things something horrible to them. We tend to shy from emotional pain. We are very much driven by the fear of tangible hurt, relationship damage, or emotional pain and that causes us either to not engage at all, to rush through our negotiations to minimize the pain, or to make bad choices and give away things we shouldn’t give.
Now, fears aren’t bad. Fears are normal. Cats have fears. Squirrels have fears. Humans have fears. It’s when we let the fears define our behavior, that’s when we’ve gotten into a realm that’s not healthy. The antidote to that begins with self-awareness and that’s true for anything relating to emotional intelligence. It starts with self-awareness. You need to be aware of what you’re afraid might happen if you negotiate.
The antidote to fear is self-awareness. Share on XIt’s helpful not to think, “What am I afraid of?” because that makes it sound like I’m not supposed to be afraid. It’s, “What am I afraid might happen?” because now I’m starting to analyze, what are the consequences that I anticipate might happen here? A lot of the work I do with people I coach or with my students has to do with stopping them and saying, “Here’s what I’m observing. You need to pick up the phone and call that person to negotiate, but you’re procrastinating and not doing it. What are you afraid might happen if you do?” Now, all of a sudden, they’re talking about those fears and saying them to become less fearful. It starts with self-awareness.
[00:25:35] We can’t control other people’s actions, but we can control our own reactions. The key thing with that is to sit there and say, “Probably our fears and our trepidations are far worse than anything that could ever happen. The worst thing that can happen to you in a job is that you could get fired. The chance of that happening is very slim. If you have a boss that fires you through negotiation for whatever reason, there’s probably something bigger happening that should have been managed and should have been dealt with way earlier than this.
The opportunity on the other side for advancement, if you don’t ask, you don’t get. If you don’t present it in a way that’s going to be sitting there and go, “It’s not only beneficial for me, it’s beneficial for you.” That’s where we need to be. How do we help people get beyond the fact that it’s all about me and negotiates at a point where they’re sitting there going, “It’s not just good for me, it’s good for us?”
[00:26:38] That has a lot to do with how you communicate. Again, communicating around interests is helpful in that aspect because you want to communicate both your interests and your boss’ interests. You say to your boss, “I came in here with a certain salary and that’s not enough for me to pay the rent. I could go look for a waiter job at night and try to make some extra money. I’m concerned that if I do that, I’ll be exhausted coming to work and I won’t be able to give as much as I could here. If there’s a way to adjust my salary for the cost of living here, then I’ll be able to devote my full attention to the job. I won’t have to distract myself by trying to find more money somewhere else.”
That’s a way of framing things as something that’s good for you and good for the other party but it takes a lot of presence of mind to do that. You can’t have that conversation if simultaneously your mind is screaming, “I’m going to get fired for asking for this.” That’s where you have to manage those emotions. In addition to thinking about the likelihood, it’s also really helpful to sit with your worst case. “I asked my boss for a raise and my boss said, ‘Get out and never come back.’ Now what?”
When you start thinking about that, very often it’s bad but not as bad as you thought it was. You have alternatives. You could move in with a relative. You could get another job. You could do a side hustle that will get you by. You could borrow money. There are things that you can do to manage it that make it not wonderful, but also not the end of the world.
Once you realize you could survive your worst case, then you’re not afraid of it in the same way. Whatever fears we have in our negotiations tend to get amplified by certain factors that cause us stress. Probably the biggest one is conflict. We don’t like conflict. I can’t tell you how many people have said to me, “I hate conflict. I don’t like conflict. I avoid conflict.”
When I ask them, “What’s so bad about conflict?” Very often it’s a fear of tangible hurt, relationship damage, or emotional pain because they associate conflict with those things. “If we get into conflict, the person’s going to yell at me.” That’s emotional pain or, “The person might retaliate against me.” That’s tangible hurt, etc. Another huge factor that amplifies our fears is uncertainty. Do you ever wonder why almost every kid in the world is afraid of the dark?
Negotiation: Negotiations, by their nature, are uncertain. And one of the things that amplify fear is uncertainty. This is the reason why kids are afraid of the dark.
[00:28:55] It’s because they don’t know what’s around the corner. They don’t know what’s coming out of it.
[00:28:58] What we can’t see, we can imagine. We can imagine some pretty scary things. Notice kids are always imagining monsters under the bed and not puppies. The problem is that negotiations by their nature are uncertain. In fact, it’s one of the things I like about the process. You never know how it’s going to turn out. I think of that as an opportunity but for a lot of people, it’s very anxiety-provoking.
You never know what surprises the other person’s going to throw at you or what tricks or strategies they have up their sleeve. There’s a lot of uncertainty and that creates a lot of anxiety for people. The third one is power perception. When you perceive yourself to be in a lower power position than the other party, then you feel like they can inflict tangible hurt, relationship damage, or emotional pain on you.
A lot of times, our fears and how we approach these stress factors, and again, we need to be aware of them, are driven by our narratives or by what we tell ourselves. We’re telling ourselves stuff constantly, about ourselves, about the other party, and about the situation. I run a small company and I’ll negotiate frequently with very large companies. If I walk into one of those negotiations thinking, “I’m just a little guy. They’re going to dictate terms to me and I won’t have a whole lot of choices.”
I’ve just put myself completely on the back foot in that negotiation and I did it to myself through the story I told myself. I don’t know what they’re thinking. I don’t know what they want, but I’ve created that situation because of my narrative. Similarly, if I’m negotiating with my neighbor and I think, “My neighbor’s a total jerk. There’s no way I can possibly come to an agreement with them.” Again, I’ve made that self-fulfilling. We tell ourselves stories all the time or even going into. I remember we bought a house at a seller’s market and I’m just one of that incorrigible optimists.
Pessimist by nature, optimist by choice. Share on XI’m like, “Even in a seller’s market, there are opportunities.” We kept looking. We looked for a year until we found one but we did find one. We found one and got a great deal on it. If I say, “It’s a seller’s market. I might as well not even try.” That’s it. I’ve psyched myself out of the game. The thing is that these narratives are entirely in our own minds and therefore, they should be within our power to manage. We can become the authors rather than the victims of our narratives. In order to do that, we first have to become aware of our narratives. When I’m coaching someone in negotiations, very often I’ll ask them, “What are you telling yourself right now?”
[00:30:47] I think it was Ford that said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re correct.” We need to start bringing this in for a landing but I want to give you the point. If there’s one thing you want to give people, one piece of advice when they’re negotiating to be able to help them be more effective, what would it be?
The first one is to prepare. People come into their negotiations completely unprepared and without preparation, you tend to get your feet knocked out in negotiations. The second one is slow down. Manage your emotions. Notice when your emotions have been triggered. Your body will give you some clues. Your heart rate will go up and then just pause. Ask for a break. Ask questions, listen, and breathe. Slow things down so you can respond rather than react. The third one is you have two ears in one mouth and you should use them in proportion. Spend a lot more time listening than talking when you’re negotiating. If you don’t do those three things, you’re going to be a much better negotiator.
[00:32:28] Moshe, what’s the best way for people to get in touch with you?
[00:32:31] You can always email me at [email protected]. I’m on LinkedIn every day. Look for Moshe Cohen Negotiations and you’ll find me.
[00:32:42] here’s the last question and I ask this to everybody as they walk out the door. When you leave a meeting and you get in your car and you drive away, what’s the one thing you want people to think about you when you’re not in the room?
[00:32:53] I want them to think that they felt heard, valued and validated.
[00:32:57] I certainly heard you. I thought that this was extremely valuable. There are lots of little tidbits. People need to read this again and think about the little things that you said that will help them negotiate better. Moshe, thanks for coming to the show.
[00:33:12] It’s been delightful and absolute pressure. Thank you so much for inviting me, Ben.
Important Links
- www.NegotiatingTable.com
- Collywobbles: How to Negotiate When Negotiating Makes You Nervous
- https://www.Amazon.com/Optimism-Choice-Other-Timeless-Ideas-ebook/dp/B09N44H6SR/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1ZDDZ6HV7528N&keywords=moshe+cohen&qid=1665442805&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIxLjY0IiwicXNhIjoiMS43MyIsInFzcCI6IjEuNzQifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=moshe+cohen%2Caps%2C143&sr=8-2
- [email protected]
- LinkedIn – Moshe Cohen
- Instagram – Moshe Cohen
- Twitter – Moshe Cohen
- Facebook – Moshe Cohen
- [email protected]
- Getting to Yes
About Moshe Cohen
Moshe Cohen has been teaching negotiation, leadership, conflict resolution and organizational behavior as founder of The Negotiating Table since 1995 and as a senior lecturer at Boston University’s Questrom School of Business since 2000. He has worked with thousands of students as well as companies worldwide.
As a mediator, Moshe has worked to resolve hundreds of matters, and also coaches executives, managers, and individuals on leading others and negotiating effectively. He is the author of two books – Collywobbles, How to Negotiate When Negotiating Makes You Nervous and Optimism is a Choice and Other Timeless Ideas. He has also written numerous articles and cases, and appears in podcasts, videos, and interviews.
Moshe studied Physics at Cornell University and has a Master’s in Electrical Engineering from McGill University, specializing in robotics. After a dozen years in robotics, he completed his MBA from Boston University and fell in love with negotiation, mediation, and leadership.
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